SO… this is the blog post I promised you back in September.
Aren’t you happy to hear from me?
Well, I am to be writing to you.
Things definitely haven’t been quiet since I decided to take that one month off. I have started a new job, I have moved cities. I have found ways to cope with the exhaustion.
But, it has felt a bit quieter inside of me. In some ways.
It felt back then, that with all of the work that I had going on, with the very little time I had to just exist as Busayo, something needed to give. I just needed to not focus too much on creative work because it felt like the thing that would be most forgiving to me. That it would not demand my constant attention, and still be there waiting with open arms whenever I decided to come back.
And, that has definitely been true. That break has paid off. It feels great to not be working on any of the ideas swimming inside of my head right now. And trust me, there are quite a few ideas.
I am allowing that part of my mind to just… take a break. To treat it with kindness, and to give it room to just exist. Without the pressures of some deadline, or some goal in mind. I will definitely be back once October is done. I am looking forward to it. I took a glance at some of the ideas that I didn’t finish last month, and I missed them. But not enough to go back earlier than planned.
I’m looking forward to the fresh perspective that such a break can bring for me. The way I will be able to look at things newly. Less tremulously. Less like I am worried about keeping everything else in balance and more like I just want to enjoy the beauty of the process.
And also, these days, my mind goes back to this story I wrote in May/June of this year over the space of a few days.
It started as a single line that popped into my head while I was doing my photo shoot for my birthday. I loved how it sounded, and the rest of the story just came to my mind like that – an unraveled bit of poetry that had a strong story-like background. It had its own very exact world-building. And maybe the thing I enjoyed the most – it sounded like Music.
I read it some days ago and I marveled at how it sounded just like what I wanted to create. I marveled at how delicately it fit into itself and how much I just loved how it sounded.
If there is any kind of artist I envy, it is musicians. They get to do so much with music – tell a story, build a world and express emotions. But most of all, they get to just write music. They get to create that exacting experience of creating a song, of creating something, and having it sound exactly like the nebulous idea you had in your head. From something abstract to something close to being universal in that everyone can enjoy it.
I had that moment after I read the story, and it reminded me of why I even started creating as a child – for myself.
I create in order to just say and to have it said.
And to have a balm over the things that I am experiencing. I definitely want all of the other things that come with creating; accolades and money and recognition are definitely wonderful. But I want to write because it is just beautiful to do so. It is something I want to re-establish during my break. To not allow it to just turn to work but instead, to hold some respect, some love for the very act of creating.
Something I feel deeply blessed to be able to do.
IN OTHER NEWS…
I haven’t really been doing much else. (which is the point, really. Ha-ha)
I have spent most of my free time taking naps. I don’t even really go out for ice cream so much. Well, at least not more than I usually would ha-ha.
I have been learning how the bus system in this city works. And I don’t know why I am excited about the next trip I will take – since it is probably where I sniffed some odd thing I am allergic to that has left me with the sniffles for the past few days.
But really, over the past weekend as I write this to you, I was caught in some annoying storm and had to take a pedestrian bridge because the roads got flooded (please, do not ask me to explain why. It might also be where I got the sniffles from. But the jury is definitely out on that).
Being that this is the city I grew up in, I had this sort of odd, visceral experience that took me back to the way I saw the world at around age 14/15. The way I had this bird’s eye view of the city – or the portion of it I could see over that bridge – I saw all of these people, just going about their day. And I think it made me realize there is a very odd sort of beauty to human beings. I don’t mean just the state of being human. But of humans in general. The way we go about our lives. The things we wear. The way we speak. We are complex. And … almost cool?
Maybe that is it. That I just could suddenly remember what it is like to look at someone, and just think they are cool. Not imagine the complexities of who they are. But to just think on a surface level that this stranger is beautiful. This stranger has some essence to them that I find intriguing.
It was definitely something. This break has definitely shown me a lot of things. And I hope that it shows me even more.
SO…
What have you been up to this October?
Nigeria had its Independence Day and it seemed like no one cared? I guess we were all reeling from the way the elections turned out. And, the general state of affairs of the country economy-wise.
Yeah, that happened.
And, there is a lot going on social media-wise. It does feel like the world is burning in more ways than one. All the time.
I do hope you are safe, wherever you are reading this from. And that whatever you are experiencing, that you find joy in this world. Or that you take heart. And be brave.
And be loving.
And that you take care.
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