Taking The Step

Okay,

I really need to do something about my inconsistency here.

But really, I was having such a TIME at work last month. I was super busy.

Yet, if I am being honest, the real reason I was away for so long is because I was taking a much-needed break from writing.

Why?

Well, because it is a pro-active way to avoid burn out. It's really that simple.

May was the month I had quite a few projects I was writing. By mid-June, I was (thankfully) done with most of them. And the only thing that kept me going, that gave me the strength to keep writing while doing twenty-four hour shifts every three days was knowing I would have three whole weeks to just decompress.

And I definitely did that.

Last week, I was on leave from my 9-5 work as a doctor. And wow, that was so blissful. I mean, I didn’t really do anything spectacular, I just spent time doing normal things: shopping, buying way too many crochet-related stuff, hanging out with family. I just got to enjoy spending some much needed down time, and to just be normal.

It felt like such a reward, such a treat after the crazy amount of stress the month of May and half of June were.

Still, I feel some type of way.

June is my blog’s anniversary: I’ve been blogging for 3 years!

Read about my thoughts from my first year of blogging here.

Last year’s was very special because I mean, June is my birth month. And then last year in June, it was the month I became a doctor.

It feels very special that tis thirty-day month holds so many special things for me.

It’s always a time where I feel very refreshed, where I often step out in courage, and do more than before. And, in the context of my life right now, where I am doing  A LOT more than before on a regular day, it felt like a revolutionary thing to just spend that month taking care of myself.

We all need a sabbath.

And I decided to take one. Needed to, really.

Still, as usual, when I have been away for a little while, I have to let you know what has been on my mind.

WHAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND?

A lot

And not much at the same time.

Like I said, I am coming back from taking much needed rest. There were emails in my inbox that I lowkey didn’t follow up on because I was determined to NOT disturb my resting time.

But, while I was on my little sabbatical, I was thinking about all of the things that I usually would not have the time to think about.

Sometime in April, I decided to get up, and fight the fog of indifference that was beginning to cloud my decision making. This is because a few things happened last year that made me question what the whole point of doing anything is.

I mean, that would be surprising to some people. From my Year in Review of 2023, I mostly had a good year.

Well, the highs were very high. The lows were very low.

I might decide one day to be less vague about that odd thing nested in the belly of 2023, but I don’t know if it will be here, on this blog. (But don’t worry about me, I am fine! Right as this rainy season ha-ha)

But back to topic, in April, I was asking what the whole point of doing anything is. What's the use of my whole drive to be excellent at stuff… yada yada yada.

You know, as a teenager, I was faced with this same question, and I was able to answer it to such a deep intellectual and emotional integrity that I never believed that I would ever need to ask this question again.

But there I was in April, asking. If I were being honest, here I am still, asking.

I really wish I wrote out those answers when I was nineteen. Once I remember them, best believe I am storing them in a secure vault. Hopefully for another person, and not me, to use.

During my leave, I was asking that question underneath everything I was doing. Underneath all of the gentle quiet I had ventured into.

Just… why bother. I mean, I have worked myself up to this point where I can just coast by where I am. I don’t need to ask the deep questions about existentialism again. I don’t really have to be brave if I don’t want to. And I might be okay.

The only problem is, it just feels like such a slap in the face of the amount of work it took to get me here. And also, I just don’t feel like I’m someone that could ever be okay with being average. What is going on right now, is likely the effect of a very bored me.

I really want to explore this question one day in an essay. Properly thought out and maybe vulnerable enough to help someone else.

I hope you will be the first, dear reader, to be introduced to that idea. Even if just in the unpolished form of an essay.

The desire to just coast by and be average might be so tempting to me now. But still, it just is not who I am. I am honest enough to say that.

OKAY… BUT WHAT HAVE YOU REALLY BEEN DOING?

Crochet.

Okay. I know that is surprising.

You were expecting me to start with a song, or a book I’ve been reading and obsessing over.

But what I’ve been obsessing over is crochet. And crochet patterns. And… yarn!

Ha-ha.

During my leave, I made these little treasures here.

I made some other things that were just practice work, but the ones above are just cute little things that I absolutely adore.

If you want me to knit any of these for you, send me a message!

I learnt how to crochet when I was twelve or so. It was this fun little hobby that the girls in my set decided to start teaching each other. And it was fun, really. But being the over-achiever I was then, I always wanted to create things that other girls would be too intimidated or uninterested in making. Like making a cap from scratch, or doing a whole bag.

I still have some of the crochet projects I made around the end of secondary school. It has been fun picking up this little craft again. Right now, I’m making a beanie that is taking SO long but I just am so excited to see and own(!) the final product. My own little thing created by me.

OTHER NEWS

 

Now, let’s get to the thing you really expect from me: what have I been reading? What music have I been listening to?

READING: I have been reading novels. I read Chimeka Garrick’s debut novel. A lovely love letter to the Niger Delta region in my country woven around the harsh reality of oil trade, and just a group of friends trying to reconcile their positions in the world, and how it has been shaped by the home that has been defaced by violence from the oil trade. It on some level feels like such a story about paradise lost, but it really is just very good. The nuance in the characters is very well developed. I thought this book as an overhyped thing. Especially when I ordered it and the cover of the book was so uninteresting.

Don't judge a book by its cover

Definitely do not judge a book by its cover.

I also read The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Yes, it is that book. The one that was adapted into a movie. I had watched the movie before knowing it was first a book, but that was years ago. Sometime last month, I saw a scene from the movie while scrolling through YouTube shorts. I read the comments and realized there was nuance to a scene that wasn’t fleshed out in the movie. It made me want to know more. And, I think the book is okay. I am not African American, so I cannot really speak about race relations with a personal touch, or anything like that, but it was an okay read.

Also read this amazing short story that won a Nebula for best Novelette 2023. It reminded me so much of The Last of Us. Which I thoroughly loved.

And… in my own writing news:

-        I’m a winner. My story, Pretty work got featured on Wigleaf’s Top 50. Imagine my surprise when I was on call some night or the other, working up a patient for surgery, and I kept seeing notifications of traffic to my blog. I knew something had to be up. And when I checked twitter, I saw that this was the reason. My name was right there on such a prestigious list, and the link to my website on Gone Lawn’s page was giving this humble little blog all that attention. It was pretty cool.

Here's my Piece in the Wigleaf Top 50. Among some great work you should also check out.

-        My other story, The Kinsmen, was on the recommended reading list of The year’s Best African Speculative Fiction, 2023. Among some other cool stories. You can still read and buy the story here where it is featured in the Other and Different anthology by A Coup of Owls

-        I got another piece published with The Republic: it’s a piece about migration and the socio-economic realities in Nigeria right now. We got a new president, how well has he been managing the economy? A girl needs to have range, right? Read the story here.

MUSIC: As a little birthday gift to myself, I got myself headphones. And, wow, I’ve been really missing out by not having one. Unwittingly though, people keep asking me if the ones I got are one of those ridiculously expensive ones. No. They’re just modestly expensive. Ha-ha. For headphones anyway. I’ve been enjoying listening to artists like Jacob Banks, Wande Coal (yes, lol), Lorde, and Mariah Carey of course, in high def.

Headphones are worth it, get them if you want to. Also, the way they dampen outside noise is such a gift. Nothing I love more than covering up my listeners and just crocheting away, sometimes even when nothing is playing through the headphones. That extra layer of quiet can be such a gift sometimes.

I think we are pretty much caught up.

Maybe in my next blog post, I will write about work-life balance.

Or maybe it will be a book review?

A little suspense is fun, don’t you think.

And while I have been away, what have you been up to? Let me know in the comments!