ON TIME
I don’t know if it is a feature of growing older, or of just being myself, but I have never been someone who is made anxious by the year drawing to a close.
It is September now. People in the financial (and maybe hustle-culture world), remind us that we are now in Q4, the fourth quarter of 2026.
Time to work hardest so your goals can be achieved… just in time.
There is some use to that idea, I suppose. Some good can always come out of the urgency that accountability can bring when time is ‘running out’. Like, why haven’t you started going to the gym consistently like you said in your New Year’s Resolution?
Why haven’t you started out on that new hobby, that new goal?
Have you done all the things you said you would do?
Really, has anyone ever?
(Maybe some of you have, I don’t know, ha-ha.)
The past two years (or so) have been kind to me, in the sense that I have not had a lot of things to do that had me pressed for time, where I had to carve out hours just to do things that were important to me. I have been spoilt with having time. Time to myself, time for others.
Time to pick up a new hobby like crochet that takes time.
But all that time has also given me this question where I need to still hold myself accountable; have I used it well?
What is the balance between having urgency to do something, and understanding that some good things, some valuable things just take time?
HOW DO WE TELL THE DIFFERENCE?
Well, reader, this is what the older folks call wisdom.
When I was a student, years ago, I was always irritated by how much time had passed, and how little it felt like I had achieved. I really do not want to into the details, but the happiest year in my life in Uni was the last one - my happiest month, was the last one as well. It was where I knew that it was finally over. and that I would have my life back to myself fully.
I'd no longer be living under the burden of a 6:30 am alarm clock. The din of life in a confined space was over.
To an extent, I would be able to determine how I spent my time.
One of the things I wanted to do with my new reclaimed time was to take “a gap year”. Of course, those things require money and I was not in the financial position to do such a thing. Instead, I settled for a quieter time that was 2025, where I mostly just chilled, and recovered from a low grade burn out.
This year has been slightly different. Just slightly. I still have an inordinate amount of time. But I do feel like that might be changing. That it is time to reach for new vistas that will once again constrain me in terms of that precious, precious thing called free time.
Because of this, I have been asking myself; have I used that time well?
In some ways yes. In some other ways, there was definitely room for improvement.
But I worry that when we ask ourselves if we have used our time well, it is often within the framework of asking if we have used it to achieve some milestone regarding career or relationships. Or something.
Those are important, but they are not everything. Not at all.
The thing that makes me feel as though I can say YES to having spent (some) of this slow time in my life well, is the fact that I know this is the only period in my adult life where I can look back, and feel as though I just allowed myself to be.
I wasn’t pacing about asking myself if I made X amount of money, or achieved X objective. I was even speaking with one of my friends on the phone a few days ago, and I told her that I find it hard to compare myself to people who might be “ahead” in life. Maybe because it is just not what I want right now. And maybe also, because I have gained the perspective that I am valuable regardless of whatever achievement milestone I have unlocked.
I knew this before, but I think it has solidified in me. Maybe that is the wisdom; knowing not only how to balance things, but when to tilt in the right direction, even if it might seemed skewed to someone else.
GETTING IT RIGHT.
Although I am reluctant about it, I sense this time is about to end. Maybe, I also have grown a little tired of it.
I miss having something hard to do.
I miss having some goal or the other to overachieve at. But really, I think I just have things I want to do now that will put me back in that position where I have to sacrifice time to get them done.
Right now, I am not sure if there will ever be anything that will inspire the dogged determination I had in 2022/2023 to ACHIEVE. It has baffled me ever since then that there is an almost passive person under all of that mettle. But, in 2026, I am no longer surprised by it.
There are layers to every person.
I have also learned that sometimes, you just have to work with what you have. Work along the grain of who you are. If you’re not inspired by the shininess of achievement, then be inspired by the simplicity of doing a great job very well, for its own sake.
That might sound too basic, but I find it incredibly freeing.
Every epoch ends. Time will do its thing and we will have to try to find a new balance - and maybe sometimes, you have to be the one to reach out and grab the hand of the clock and force it in the direction you want to go.
There have been times in my life where it felt like I was doing exactly that.
Whatever it is you decide to do, sweet, sweet reader, I hope you take a moment to consider how you will spend your time, before you spend it. We are all living under the ticking of a clock, but that doesn’t mean there is no time, even in that relentless tick-tick, to think.
SOME THINGS I HAVE LOVED LATELY
- East of Eden
John Steibeck's magnum opus has me feeling all types of ways. I think it will be out on Netflix in a few weeks. I doubt I will be watching the adaptation. The book was enough for me. I enjoyed it as a reader, I also enjoyed it as a writer; there is an incredible meditation of the human condition and the choice between good and evil in that book.
Also, a generational saga? It makes many of the books I have read right after it pale in comparison.
- Going to church
I type this like I don't go to church. But honestly, I found a new church recently and I really loved the experience.
- The J.Randle Centre for Yoruba history.
I have spent the last several months thinking and reading about specific aspects of Yoruba history.
The J.Randle Centre on Lagos Island was a perfect way to see the artifacts of a history that is still very much alive (and evolving). I took a lot of pictures, and honestly, this visit might turn out to be an essay or something eventually.
- New Story Publication!
Yes, yes.
My story, Translocation, got featured in Flame Tree Press' anthology of africanfuturism. I got my two contributor copies recently and wow, it feels like such a treat!
This anthology is full of stories that span different kinds of experiences. Some will make you sad, some are cozy, but all of them will make you think and definitely ask important questions.
I hope you decide to get a copy here!
Well, that's it for now.
I wonder what meditations on time you have had lately?
Let me know!
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