So, I was going to write a blog post, this one, and start it with how annoying Valentine’s day can be - if you’re single, or you can’t spend the day with the person that you want to be with, or any other thing that could make Valentine’s day annoying.
But in the weekend before this gets published, I went to a wedding.
It was quite fun, even for someone like me who easily gets overwhelmed by parties…
The thing that made it fun for me, really was how it gave me a chance to take stock of all of the loves that I already do have. I mean, it didn’t look like this a few years ago, at all.
And it was a huge pointer to the fact that I no longer feel so awkward at parties anymore, or when I am around a lot of strangers.
Something inside of me has settled. Has grown to be more comfortable with who I am. Comfortable in a way that I make plans around who I am. not the prescription of who I am meant to be based on someone else’s metric. It is a rare feat to accomplish, and the work isn’t completely done yet. But wow, it is so freeing.
TO LOVE AT ALL IS TO BE VULNERABLE
(The above is a quote by C.S Lewis)
I think about this all of the time.
There is something about love that requires a certain kind of truth, and nakedness when you approach the thing or the person that is the object of your affection.
You need to be just as you are. The thing that you love, the person that you love, needs to also be just as they are, too.
But there is a certain fear that this creates in us.
That, what if I say the truth, lay myself bare, and then get rejected?
Well, the truth is that as I said in this post … what if it actually works out? What if the person loves you back?
Really though, love requires us to be vulnerable. There is definitely a chance that the person or thing you love could hurt you once you devote yourself to them, but I do still think it is worth it. The good that can come out of that vulnerability. That is where growth can happen, where real love can exist.
That I am able to see you as you are, and you see me as I am, and we can still agree that we are worthy of a true devotion to one another.
It is of course, scary.
But isn't it also, so beautiful?
Like I said to someone, loving someone is like laying a knife on the table for them. They can either use it to prune you, make you into a better, more vibrant plant in this lovely world. Or they could cut you right at your root, because they are close enough, free enough to be given the chance to do so.
I still don’t know what the answer is to the question of love never hurting, or other things, but I do know that human beings are much better off when we are loved. When we love.
And in order to be loved, a certain amount of vulnerability must exist. .
But isn’t the intimacy it creates worth a thousand of those fears?
I think about some of the friendships I have been lucky to have; where I have shared fears and scares with people, and they have done the same with me. It deepens that love a lot more for me. It makes it so much more … real.
Maybe because something is now at stake?
Maybe.
But I think it is because we saw that the other person could know our deepest fears, and still think of us as worthy of that love. It changes something in us. Something that feels small, but is able to move us out of that mountain of aloneness we create for ourselves out of our own fears. And it allows us to be free.
MERE KINDNESS
Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness
While the couple was exchanging their vows, I started thinking about something I read sometime last year, about the unique quality of marital love.
That the promise is not about loving your partner that day, on the wedding day, but about a promise to always love them – in the unseen, unknown future.
I don’t think there is anything so chilling as promising that. Not knowing what life could bring to you. And meaning it.
But all love is predicated on that.
Children are born, with the knowledge their parents have (hopefully, because not everyone is like that), that they will love and protect that child no matter what.
The same with really good friendships. With the love that we have for the work that we do – we do it with the knowledge that even if it is hard at some point, that the love we have for it will triumph over that hardness. We hope.
That is why real love cannot only be an act of simple, sugary kindness. Love is a very brave thing.
In order to stand in front of the unknown, in front of the future and still believe it is worth going forward – one needs to be brave.
In order to face the evil that threatens to destroy that love – one also needs to be brave. Brave, brave, brave.
And it is in that braveness that real kindness can exist. Even when one would rather not show up, one does.
Of course, this is only for people and things that are worth it. Ha-ha.
LOVE IS UNAFRAID.
I like this quote a lot.
Like I said in the start of the post, this weekend reminds me a lot of all of the different kinds of love that we do have.
That I do have.
One of them of course, is the love that I have for writing.
I have written about my publishing journey. And from time to time, I remember that deep fear that I had the first day I sent a submission out to a magazine (which got accepted, anyway. Cheers to defeating fear!)
I was so, so afraid. But then I realized that it didn’t matter if I was afraid. If I was scared.
Courage is not the state of being unafraid, it means moving forward despite being afraid. Doing it all one foot in front of the other.
So I did that. And I am still so grateful I did. And I am also a lot less scared.
I think love can create that power in us. Awaken us to aspects of ourselves we do not even know we have. It is worth it, to stand firmly in the face of the things that might try to frighten us. Because the fear isn’t what is so important, it is the love that we have to overcome it.
We tend to think love is a feeling, but it is not. Love is an action; love is something we do for others.
Desmond Tutu
To close this, I will leave us with this quote.
Love is an action. As we celebrate Valentine’s day, act out in that love.
Do something for someone you love. Appreciate them; a phone call, a text, a present, or a hug.
Something.
I hope this post reminds you, shows you again how important love can be. It is my own small present to you this Valentine’s! (Just as it is a present to my own self. I need reminders too. Ha-ha)
Alright, enjoy!
And in the comments, let me know what you love about Valentine’s day. And a way you would love to celebrate those around you.