WHAT IS IMPORTANT?

#LetsFindSomePurposeShallWe?

A much needed question...

HOW HAS EVERYONE BEEN?

The blog went quiet for a whole month, I know. And that is because I found myself just busying around with nothing specific.

I mean, I got quite a few things done in the month of July.

Even picked up some extra work, got an acceptance for a short story I wrote. A few things here and there.

But the defining moment, the thing that I believe will make a lot of difference in the long-run is a conversation I had with a friend over the phone on the last day of July.

I told that friend that it seemed like I had lost the BIG REASON why I did anything.

You see, since the middle of housejob I have found myself in a pretty unshakable lull. Not necessarily in life, but just in how I approach things. That zest, that excitement and spontaneity, the gift of loving your life enough to be fully present in it, all of that faded away somehow. Very slowly, very insidiously.

And in July, I was forced to ask myself this question; what is important?

Why do anything at all when you can just coast through life, weathering the banality of everything.

AN EXISTENTIAL QUESTION?

In some ways, yes.

Asking myself this question - what is important? -  has often occurred when I find myself at a crossroads in life. The point where I have to ask myself, do I keep going at this level that I am, or strive for more? Dare to believe that something different is worth pursuing?

I know it requires all of the usual things to make that decision: courage, strength, a splash of endurance. Blah blah blah.

But that question, what is important, now has me stumped.

There is the temptation to bury myself in work, in the big and small things of this life. Achieve something big, marry a life partner, etc.

But, why do it?

Why is it important whether or not we do what we do?

There are people who have all of the successes that anyone could imagine, and they are pretty miserable. That's not fun.

In my own case, I think my worry is that I often ask myself; if I were to put all of that effort required into being “successful” as the world terms it, would I be happy? Would it have any importance?

Would it matter?

I mean, not to be somber, but all of us are going to fade away eventually. 

Very few human beings are still remembered within a hundred years after they die.

I know it sounds like I just read the book of Ecclesiastes again, but really, all that we do is a passing wind. Smoke that dissipates as soon as it reaches the air.

It forces me to ask myself that is there any point to this running around that we do all our lives long? After achievement, love, fame or power.

And it has made me sit down and ask myself why I bother to do any of the things that I do.

Does it matter, and if so, why is it important?

WHAT DO I DO NOW…?

I don’t know.

I really do not know.

On a regular day, I would classify myself as someone who is more on the ambitious side.

I am not tempted to many vices. Things that will alter how my brain chemistry operates do not excite me. But you see the thrill of chasing after a goal? That’s my stuff. Ha-ha.

Yet, even I many times have to ask myself if all of this is important.

I look at the goals I have set up for a month, for a week, and wonder why they do not thrill me anymore. Why going after them is no longer exciting. (And I am not depressed, I am pretty happy and content right now, actually).

Talking to my friend on the phone, she told me that she had been in this lull before. That angst and discontent of not achieving what you would like to achieve. But I told her that the not-achieving isn’t the problem exactly, it is the not-even-being-excited-to-try that really gets me.

I am surprised by it, I do not know what to do with this Busayo.

I must confess, it is why it has been a bit hard to keep up with my blog schedule. I just haven’t been able to answer why I should keep loving it.

Maybe it is time for something new (not the blog, of course, that is here to stay for the foreseeable future).

And that something new involves me sitting down to do that work of asking myself this hard question; what do I want, and why is it important.

There is a C.S Lewis quote I love to think about, that it eventually gets to a point where the new chick must decide to either hatch, or stay in its shell and go bad.

The angst of not knowing the answer to this question is suffocating. It is uncomfortable. It is almost as uncomfortable as the questions I have to ask myself.

Well, I hope I haven’t put you off with this blog post.

It is quite different from my usual pieces.

This is more somber. But I know that there are quite a few people who read this blog post that will be in a similar situation.

And to those people, I want to say that I see you, and I honestly wish us all the best of luck!

But really, I believe every problem has an expiry date. Every issue has the right tools that it can be solved with. Any tools that you have found and used for a similar situation, please leave in the comments below.

All well-meaning help is appreciated!